Building Rapport with Stakeholders
Lessons from an FBI Interrogator
Cover for the I Spy Podcast
Have you ever had to work with someone where you felt that you just couldn’t break through? It may not matter if it’s not a key relationship, but for those handful of relationships that really matter, it’s important to invest the time and effort into building rapport with those stakeholders.
Last week, I took a walk around the neighborhood to recharge my batteries. While I walked, I listened to a favorite podcast, I Spy. Even though I intended to take a break, I ended up learning the tips and tricks from FBI Interrogator George Piro about how to build rapport.
Piro spent seven months interrogating deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. His goal was to find out the truth about whether Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction (WMD). Piro described how he slowly and systematically built a rapport with Hussein. Surely, if his techniques worked to develop rapport with Hussein, then his techniques will work to develop rapport with stakeholders.
Here’s Piro’s playbook:
Find something in common
The first thing that Piro and Hussein connected on was their love and appreciation for their mothers. Piro knew that the most important woman in an Arab man’s life is his mother, and that Hussein was raised by his mother after his father passed when he was very young. Piro talked about everything that his mom did for him that shaped who he is today, and that helped them form an initial connection. Piro showed that no matter who you’re talking to, you can always find something in common.
When I first met one of my engineers, it seemed like we would have nothing in common. He had grown up in France and started his career in the circus before teaching himself to code and building websites for himself and his friends who were performers. I had grown up in California and taken a much more traditional path through college to a corporate job. However, we soon found that we both loved classical music, and this helped us bond so that we could have easy and open discussions about tradeoffs in user stories later on.
Anticipate and prepare for major objections
Piro recognized that his age was likely to be a disadvantage going into the interrogations. He was in his 30’s, and Arab culture revered elders, believing that wisdom grew with age. As Piro predicted, not long into their relationship, Hussein asked, “Aren’t you a bit young for this assignment?” Piro had prepared well for his response. He pointed out that he was older than when Hussein became Vice President and younger than when Hussein became President, so Hussein of all people should understand that it’s about ability, not age. Because he had anticipated and planned how to handle the objection, Piro was able to defuse the objection and quickly move past it.
When I was working on a partner integration, there was a feature that was important for users to have included in the scope of the integration. I knew that if I presented the ideal experience only, it would likely get shot down because of the large scope required. Instead, I prepared for the conversation by brainstorming a list of five different options with varying levels of effort required. As long as I could get at least one of the options approved, I could accomplish the user goal. Sure enough, the ideal experience wasn’t realistic with our timeline, but we were able to move forward with one of the other options.
Give and take
Piro realized that Hussein was a germaphobe. It was hard for Hussein to be as clean as he wanted to be without a private bathroom. So, Piro introduced Hussein to baby wipes as a workaround. This give-and-take helped to break down the defensive barrier between the two, and move their relationship to an intellectual level.
When I was doing discovery work around a new product, I asked the manager of the account management team for help with running an idea by some top customers. His team was constantly in contact with customers and it was easy for him to collect this feedback, but very valuable for me. After that, he felt comfortable coming to me with ideas on how to improve the product. I broke down the barrier of the initial ask, which made my partner comfortable with making asks too.
Demonstrate that you are someone who can get things done
Piro never told Hussein what his formal title was. Instead, he showed his authority through his ability to get things done. When Hussein asked for exercise time outside, Piro made a commotion about getting an outdoor area built for Hussein. He shouted out orders, and the team appeared to defer to him to make it happen. Piro elevated his position and authority by showing, rather than telling.
Product managers are accountable for driving product delivery and results but don’t have formal authority over engineers and designers. Even so, you can elevate your authority by showing that you can get things done. My team was working on a critical, time sensitive project, and expressed that having a war room where everyone could work side-by-side would help us meet the deadline for the project. I worked with the facilities team to get a conference room taken offline. I showed them that I could help the team by creating a space for us to get work done.
Identify the trigger points
Piro’s goal was to learn the truth about WMDs. However, he knew that if he asked directly about it, Hussein would shut the conversation down. So, Piro had to find another way to broach the subject. Hussein’s love of poetry provided the entry point to talk about writing style, which then led to a discussion of Hussein’s speeches. Through this discussion, Piro learned that Hussein’s biggest fear for Iraq was neighboring Iran and that he exaggerated Iraq’s WMDs in his speech to posture and keep Iran at bay. Piro accomplished his goal and confirmed the truth about WMDs by sidestepping Hussein’s trigger points.
When I was sharing the product vision for a new business, I knew that the existing business was a sacred cow in the minds of the leadership team. I had to sell them on the market opportunity of the new business and avoid anything that would take away from the existing business. I was able to describe the new business using the terminology of the existing business, so it seemed to be an enhancement to the existing business. Positioning the idea this way made it easy for the leadership team to understand and accept the idea.
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Just as Piro built rapport with Hussein, his techniques can help you build rapport with stakeholders. Find something in common, anticipate and prepare for objections, build a rhythm of give-and-take, demonstrate that you’re someone that can get things done, and identify the trigger points. Lastly, relationships take time to build. Piro invested seven months before getting to the truth with Hussein, so be patient when investing in your most important relationships. And if you need a break from building stakeholder relationships, I highly recommend the I Spy podcast. 🕵️
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